Cuckold angst is very much an emotional state that changes in intensity as you go through with the process of getting cuckolded and is not unlike the proverbial rollercoaster ride.
Nothing can truly prepare one for the intensity of the emotions which a cuckold will go through as the wife takes on another lover. Knowing what the process entails will help you push through the tough bits knowing that there's light on the other side of the tunnel.
As a rule of thumb make sure that all communication between her prospective bull, your wife and yourself is always open and transparent. Part of what drives cuckold angst is not being in the loop and this will minimize the angst at least on the communication front.
Another key aspect of minimizing your angst is to iron out everything during your initial meet (see Finding and Choosing your Bull). Remember your first meeting will be in public and there should be no sexual contact or play during this meeting. This is simply to understand each party's desires and needs. If you're all on the same page there should be nothing that surprises you once the play starts.
However even if you've dealt with all potential risks there will still be a significant amount to deal with that's unknown that you need to be prepared for. The first thing you will need to deal with will be your wife's excitement and nervousness that comes with any new sexual partner. This is typical as you can imagine of any new partner. Think about how you first felt when you met your wife. Butterflies in the stomach and the imagination running wild. This is completely normal and you must remember this is why you are entering the lifestyle, to give it some horns! And because you'll be part of the comms (as mentioned above) you must make a point to enjoy it with her.
The second crucial element of cuckold angst will be your first playdate. As a word of advice make your first playdate with all three of you in the same room. Don't be brave and send her on a date the first time, you're adding unnecessary tension and stress to an already tough situation. As a male your visual sense will be your main driver of angst as you witness your wife give herself over to her new partner.
Next will be her panties. This is a massive step and you will feel like the walls may be closing in. Psychologically the bull is removing the very last physical barrier to sexual intercourse and it will be her and your tacit approval of the willingness to enter into the cuckold lifestyle. The first time we played the bull had my wife on her back on the edge of the bed and reached underneath her and pulled them off. She obviously had to lift her hips a little to help get them off which was her way of giving approval.Seeing the bull take his underwear off should be an interesting process, you will definitely compare size. You should have chosen a bull that is bigger than you anyhows which should make for an interesting event.
Seeing the bull and the wife kiss is also a sight to see as it is extremely intimate. Some couples don't allow kissing for this exact reason. If you do decide to allow kissing start slow (start with the neck and/or breasts) and get them to work their way up to a full blown french kiss.
If you've come this far well done.
Congratulations, you've passed one of the most challenging aspects of the cuckold process.
The Cuck
In my own life I have experienced all stages of cuckold angst. This is my assessment of those five steps:
ReplyDeleteAnticipation: Will she do this thing? Will she date him, bed him and invite him into her body? For some ab initio cuckolds this level of angst can be almost intolerable or for others a delight – it depends on the type of husband or boyfriend.
Acceptance: She has been with another man and there is nothing hubby or bf can do – he is a cuckold and will be for the rest of his life. Cuckold understands that she has preferred the loving that another man can give her in preference to him and it may also be the time when he experiences his first physical rejection from his Wife. It may also be the moment that feels the first pangs of humiliation when it becomes obvious that she sees him as ‘less than a man’.
Endurance: She now dates her new man regularly and spends nights alone with him in his bed or cuckold’s. The emotion of humiliation decreases slowly with familiarity and so does the angst; when cuckold see that she has no intention of leaving he may gradually want to become her accomplice. It is at this stage when many cuckolds start to openly discuss her affair with her and become her ‘little helper’ when she dresses for dates.
Enlightenment: At this stage our hero has realised that this is what he was meant to be and some will often take steps to demonstrate their unmanning. Some will adopt a penis cage and become subservient, and others may adopt a different way of projecting their sexuality by becoming, or dressing, more feminine. Some of course may not do these things and just adopt an intellectual argument that they are the losers in the game of ‘natural selection’.
Enjoyment: The very thought of her lying naked in bed with her Lover brings a sense of joy to our, now experienced, cuckold. Watching her leave the house to go to his still brings a small frisson of worry but the moment she comes in the door the next day his happiness is unbound. He has a good relationship with her Lover and delights in being the intermediary when arranging dates and meetings between the two. He understands the passion that she and him have for each other and knows that one day he will hear those little words that not so long ago would have filled him with angst, humiliation, rejection and dejection – but now seem to be so normal – “Darling, I’m late.”
Derek, you write such beautiful statements. At one time I thought arranging dates, and paying for hotel rooms for my wife, and bull was as good as it got, but it doesn't. Something much more beautiful, and precious happened. I too have been through these five phases, but want to respond about those three little words.
ReplyDeletePrior to this I was consumed by thoughts of angst, humiliation, fear, and dejection at just the thought of this. But after my wife told me she was late, it was mostly at first humiliation, and fear. After all, I was the one relegated long ago to wearing condoms for the very rare encounters I do get with my wife. Her bull never uses them, and she told me from the start "no birth control".
I soon had to get past this, and understand that this was now my responsibility, and accepted my new role once again with gusto. I took her to Dr's appointments, paid for, & set up the nursery and was in the delivery room as a supportive husband should be when the time came. Imagine my feelings, as I wrote "unknown" as the father when obtaining the birth certificate. After this were the three AM feedings, and let's not forget the endless diaper changes.
This was a few years ago. Now I now am busy taking our little ones to ballet practices, and gymnastics classes where I get to hang out with mostly women doing the same thing. Let's not forget the thrill of sitting through a forty minute piano lesson where there is nothing to do but sit, and wait. Meanwhile my wife often uses these occasions together with the real man in her life to be sexually satisfied properly by him without me there bothering her. Looking forward I have clothes to buy, driving them to friends houses or the mall, and have to plan for the cost of university for these wonderful children I have thanks to my wife, and her lover.
Will I hear those three little words again? Possibly; at any time, and if so they will fill me with joy again. At one time I thought arranging dinner dates, and hotel rooms for my wife's pleasure was the ultimate. It wasn't even close. Accepting the financial burden, and working hard to raise another man's children as my own has been the ultimate humiliation, yet greatest joy I think I could ever ask for. I wouldn't trade this for the world, and I want everyone who reads this to know that I am very proud to be the Cuckold for my wife.
But what if our spouse say it’s okay? Open marriages are becoming more and more popular, where spouses are committed to each other, but have agreed to have sex outside of the marriage as well. To them, they are no longer “cheating”, because they have permission, because their spouse is okay with it.
DeleteThe problem with this logic is that our vows are not only to our spouse, they are to God. As well, we vow to abide by God’s rules for marriage, not by our spouses rules. We do not have the authority to go changing God’s laws, His guidelines for our life. Even though they were placed for our benefit, for our blessing, for us, as humans, that does not give us the right to go altering them.
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